Time Warp Fiber - rant

Regarding Proposition 8

Cass — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 16:26:25 -0700

If you live in California, that is. Now, some of you will know that one of the reasons I live in California is to be rid of the every day hate and fear that surrounded me like a cloud living in the American Southeast. I spent my days last fall carefully closeted, terrified I would lose the job that barely kept the wolves from the door. I spent the year before that fight a losing war to be physically safe in my own dorm room. I marvel living here, in the Bay, at even the scant signs of acceptance present. My heart leaps seeing a teenage girl holding hands with her girlfriend, stopping to talk about my apartment property with two elderly men with matching commitment bands. How sad a state of affairs America has become when nearly a year away has not yet knocked of the shell of fear.

And so I feel particularly under attack that Prop 8 is on the ballot. Hate followed me home, and I'd really rather not keep it. The principle is, by voting yes on this proposition, you remove rights granted by CA judge for all people to marry whom they choose. Nothing else happens. Probably 90% of the population is not directly affected by this, but they think they are. It is beyond me why so many people are so filled with hate they they would attempt to remove basic legal rights from others.

I have heard a number of arguments against this stance. One individual, whom I will not name, stated that his objection was 'ew.' I would like to point out that this person is one-half of an interracial marriage. Which was illegal until really very recently under the same grounds. I have heard that this limits freedom of religion. Now this one fascinates me. My wedding would affect your church in Kansas how, precisely? Your 'right' to hate monger and wound from the pulpit is, horrifically, more protected than my right to make the decisions any straight adult can make.

Fifty years ago, churches preached against integration. No one says anymore that the churches' rights are limited because racial categories have legal protections now. I feel, sometimes, that I am the only person who sees the similarities. Perhaps it is because the historical perspective of most Americans is limited to the last five years. My affluent, intelligent students could not tell me what the Cold War was and when it took place. So maybe people simply do not remember a time when brown skin legally got you turned away from your job, your church, your neighborhood gas station. But that in itself is shameful. And now, not so very long after, there is another group of people, trying to get by in their lives, trying to live without shame, as people should do in this country of supposed freedom, and poison pursues us. Where does it come from? In large part, the vaulted halls of a religion which purports to believe that god is love. Is anyone else confused?

So, if you are in California, please think before you go to the polls. Do you want to vote to actively limit the rights of any class? Do you want to continue a strong tradition of segregation, suspect classes, and genetic discrimination? And don't, please don't, for a moment delude yourself that it is some anonymous immoral sex fiend you're voting against. It's me. I live my life among you. I have worked in your local yarn shop, taught your children. I don't spend my time clubbing and having unprotected cavalier sex with strangers. I spend it in my home with my partner, making homemade bread, knitting socks, and hoping that one day I won't have to be afraid that people will hate me so much that they would strike against me without ever seeing my face.

A few notes: I've turned off comments on this post. If you have poison to preach, please do so elsewhere. You are in my online living room, and frankly, my life is not up for debate. Also, if you wish to rescind your readership due to the post, I will wave joyfully at your back.

New Job, FOs, and abject terror

Cass — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:34:02 -0700

So,lots of news. First off, I actually have a job, if not the ideal one. I'm going to be teaching at a summer program until august, at which point I will re-examine grad school options and other job thoughts. But hooray employment. I'm sure you'll hear plenty about my students in the upcoming months.

FOs! Two of them. The first is actually a crochet project, a rarity for me. This whole thing started with my missing SAFF 2005, and having Laura surrogate shop for me. (she comes up a lot, major fiber enabler) One of the things she brought back was for ounces of an incredible heathered garnet merino. I spun it the following summer into thick and thin singles and waited for it to tell me what it wanted to be. The answer came a year later, it needed to be a scarf, and I thought a simple single crochet would jive well with the textured yarn. I started it that summer 2007, and then kind of forgot about it with all the madness of that fall and winter. But I picked it up again et voila: a scarf. It's a little shorter than I usually make (I like very long scarves to be able to skim my more ample curves) but it might do better as an all day piece, for inside and out. And of course, it's delicious in color and softness. Quite a journey for that scarf, over years and thousands of miles. It makes it all the more special.

The second FO has less history. It's one of the many pairs of plain socks I started to keep me company on the most recent trek out CA. I bought the yarn last summer in Santa Monica, at the fabulous wildfiber, actually having it in mind for someone else. But then another sock yarn called that person's name to me and the yarn went into the stash. Being Cherry tree hill, one of my favorites, it didn't languish long. While purple is not my favorite color, there is something fun about such loud socks.

However, all the good news has been a little overshadowed for me. Now that we have good insurance, I've been playing catch-up with my healthcare, which was spotty at best through my childhood and teen years. The worst of this has been dental. I am terrified of the dentist. Like I would rather face three Balrogs armed with only a squirt gun terrified. I bravely went and had a cleaning. I even didn't have a panic attack in getting fitted for a crown. But then came the referral to the oral surgeon. My blood pressure rose just going into that office. And then she informs me that because my wisdom teeth should have come out 7 years ago, they have tangled with the nerves and caused major damage and infection. Huge pain, enough antibiotics to disinfect Chicago, and a CAT scan later, I schedule my surgery and sign ten different things acknowledging how high risk the surgery is and how they won't completely sedate me and how it will cost my soul to pay for and they shove me out the door. It was all I could do not to crawl under the car and cry. Of course, this surgery interferes with my job training, so my brand new boss is already not pleased with me. And I have nightmares about having no teeth or no feeling in my head or medical bill collectors throwing tear gas into my apartment. So, my hypothetical reader, if you choose to spawn, have their teeth taken care of at an early age, lest they face the indignity of being a grown up, educated human who fears nothing so much as a green smocked surgeon with a pair of pliers.

Free lunch

Cass — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:20:49 -0700

As in, 'there's no such thing as.' I don't know if you read ravelry, my hypothetical readers, but I do. Probably more than I ought to. What I've noticed lately is a lot of negativity in the area of free patterns. Now, I'm not one of those people who thinks you should only say nice things. I think criticism has it's place, both in being constructive for those it's aimed toward and in helping air out the complainers feelings. We could do with a bit more honesty in the world, even if not everything is pleasant. However, there is a difference between this and spite. And spite is something I've seen a lot of, which is sad to my eyes.

When I started knitting, I was a student. An independent, financial aid fund student. That's right, no cash for knitting. However, I was (and am) pretty apt at research, so I turned to google. And found a world of free patterns. It was fantastic. Here was a place I could expand my knowledge (b/c classes were certainly out of the question) and be inspired. I owe a lot of my knowledge base to all those wonderful people who chose to share their talents freely. It is a beautiful thing, a bank of knowledge and creativity, shared and built upon by a huge community. If you're a programmer, as Butthead is, compare it to open source software.

On a personal level, I'm of two minds regarding knowledge and payment. Part of me, the greater part, feels that the restriction of knowledge, any knowledge, to those who can pay for it is wrong. I went to an underfunded public high school, and fought tooth and nail to pay for a good college. I know that there's a distinct difference in what is available to those with money. In my bohemian spirit, it seems that knowledge of art and of craft is a matter of heritage and creativity, which should be shared freely among us to foster the love of the work.

That said, I do not inherently object to someone charging for their work. It's your perogative as an artist. If the work is good, people will pay for it. I certainly do. I have a small cache of books and patterns that have inspired me. I am glad to compensate the designer for their time when I am able.

What gets to me is when people rail against those who offer work for free. I heard this a lot in connection with LYSs, who worry about their cut of pattern sales. "Why would people pay for a design they could get for free?" Why indeed? I don't think we have a duty to buy something simply because it's for sale. It seems to me, as a designer, one can't expect to be paid for a simple pattern, such as a ribbed hat, when there are myriad free alternatives. For my part, I'd far rather design it myself. What a designer can do is produce unique and thoughtful work, of a high enough quality to make people glad to pay for it. If ever there were a good side to raw capitalism, this is it. 'Beat' the competition by doing better, not by whining about people 'stealing' your profits.

This issue has gotten ugly, I think. I've seen a lot of people sniping at one another. Last night, I read an article blatantly scolding the people who use free patterns. It's hard to respond to turmoil within the community like this, particularly when you are riled, without causing more mess. I will try to respond through my actions. I will continue to buy, as I'm able, those works which inspire me, and thus support the artists. I will also continue to knit from free works. In fact, I'm taking the time to thank specifically those who have made their work available to me, and all of the knitiverse, without charge. I would ask you to as well. Take a moment to send a message to the designer. Cash is not the only currency, and it seems payment in kind to thank those who share the love of the craft freely. Let's send a wave of love to our favorite designers, oh hypothetical reader, and hopefully counteract some of the negative feelings out there.

Come the revolution

Cass — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:05:27 -0700

I've heard this phrase a lot, with different meanings associated with it all the time. Some years ago, I was told by a professor that it was good that I could knit, because, come the revolution, there wouldn't be any textile mills. I've heard feminist activists imply equality or an imbalance in the other direction, queer rights activists imply equality, too. Liberals as a group are so far flung with all our causes that it's hurt us some that we can't all agree on what's the most important. I would never trade that complexity for the single minded nature of many other groups. (did someone say war mongering neocons?) However, today being Earth Day, it seems appropriate to give our mother her due, and think about the green revolution. After all, it would be very difficult to argue about pay scales and equal rights if none of us could breathe.

Are you green? How green? I've heard a lot of 'drop in the bucket' arguments about not even bothering, but that doesn't fly with me. I try, which is all that I could ever ask of anyone. I recycle anything with a symbol on it. (I have to be thankful to my county for allowing this, the last place I lived would allow almost nothing and the apt complex didn't even offer a pickup, so we had to drive it over) We have reusable bags, and reuse even the odd plastic or paper ones. I try not to print things out, and when I do, work with small fonts and two sides. I bake with recycled parchment paper. I don't drive, and use transit or walk for everything but groceries and occasion errands. Even then we use a Gfleet hybrid. I shop at farmer's markets, and do my best to buy in season and even local when it's available. We use flourescent bulbs and have cut out many chemical cleaners. There are things I don't do, like garden or compost. Hard to manage in an apartment. I'm sure there's more, but we try. And I would encourage you to. I don't enumerate green things I do here to be smug or to guilt anyone. Bu I think we need to talk about it, bring people over, little by little. I'll admit I didn't vote for Nader, but I do recycle.

There are good side effects, too. Less chemicals in your body and home is something to be happy about. Growing a garden is something to be very proud of, and burns calories too. Not to mention just leaning out the window to get basil for the tomato sauce. I get a sense of accomplishment from everything I do for myself rather than pay for, with dollars and carbon. That scarf spun from local wool and handknit? Not only did you not support terrible labor practices and a fashion industry that kills female self esteem, you saved all that fuel from the probably Asiatic factory to warehouse to outlet. So think about it the next time you get in the car, or throw away a bottle, or buy imported fruit. Try. Tell your friends. It is impossible to fail if you never quit trying. Happy earth day.

Design Decisions, or Striving for Elegance

Cass — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 14:13:00 -0700

I'm afraid today's post will disappoint the photo-hungry. I would photograph the mohair shawl, but it's too depressing. Despite diligently knitting thousands of stitches, to the utter neglect of all other yarny pursuits, I swear that damn thing hasn't grown. I did, however, reach a design decision. I know it's supposed to the the Feather and Fan Triangle, from Folk Shawls . (Fantastic book, btw, lovely shawl designs that aren't so intricate as to cause twitching in the knitter) However, I've decided to omit the Feather and Fan bit, and just stick with the triangle. There are a few reasons for this. I'm not sure how much I like the scalloped edge, it's a little too frilly for me. Also, by my standards, the yarn is rather busy, and I don't want anything to compete with the very lovely, and very pricey, hand painted mohair. And I admit having an aversion to purling over 400 sts every fourth row.

But really the main point is wearability. I knit largely for the process, but I do like wearing my handknits. And since I'm the boss of my knitting, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure I knit the best garment for me, or whoever the intended is. The way I see it, there are precious few off-the-rack garments out there that make an actual woman look and feel good. If said woman happens to be above a size 6, the number drops tremendously. Throw in curves, and it's almost hopeless. One of the reasons I design is so that I can dress my body, with all its curves, to some kind of advantage. Part of this is my coping with having gained more weight than I would like in recent years, and trying my very hardest to love my body now, not whenever 'the weight' comes off, as that's no way to live.

I had a moment of revelation, albeit a small one, sitting outside the ice cream shop across the street from my apartment in the Marina. I love people watching, and even more so than usual in LA, which has far more than the requisite number of beautiful women. Lots of them wear shawls, as the weather right on the coast lends itself very well to shawls when the breeze rolls through the cool evenings. Anyway, I was sitting with Butthead and watching the people go by, including some very fabulous ladies draped elegantly in shawls. And I thought, I wish I could pull that off. On the heels of that, damn it, why not. No, I'm not 5'10" with long legs and innate grace, but there's no reason I shouldn't be able to feel that elegant when draped in a shawl I've labored to create. I have a tendency to dress very drably, to draw into the background and draw no attention to the body I often feel at odds with. So as a step forward, I make a commitment to design and knit things that will make me feel good, on whatever level. The means knitting shawls large enough to reach around my bust and sweaters that won't house a circus. I'm not a size six teenager, and I don't have to be. And until I can feel quite so elegant as those ladies outside the shop, I'm at least going to pretend. I'll be the one furtively checking the drape of my shawl in the shop windows, if it ever gets done, that is.